همکار گرامی آقای لطفیان آهنگی را که خواستید از اینجا دانلود کنید

http://sarayan.persiangig.com/other/AREF.MID

A man is talking to God.

The man: "God, how long is a million years?"
God: "To me, it's about a minute."
The man: "God, how much is a million dollars?"
God: "To me it's a penny."
The man: "God, may I have a penny?"
God: "Wait a minute."
Submitted by: Freshteh Sadeghi

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Here is a good riddle to demonstrate the battle-between-the-sexes kind of jokes.

Q: Why did God create the man before he created the woman?
A1: The answer that men give: To give him the chance to enjoy Heaven on Earth for a few moments.
A2: The answer that women give: Everyone makes a draft first!
Submitted by: Robert

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Fred is 32 years old and he is still single.

One day a friend asked, "Why aren't you married? Can't you find a woman who will be a good wife?"

Fred replied, "Actually, I've found many women I wanted to marry, but when I bring them home to meet my parents, my mother doesn't like them."

His friend thinks for a moment and says, "I've got the perfect solution, just find a girl who's just like your mother."

A few months later they meet again and his friend says, "Did you find the perfect girl? Did your mother like her?"

With a frown on his face, Fred answers, "Yes, I found the perfect girl. She was just like my mother. You were right, my mother liked her very much."

The friend said, "Then what's the problem?"

Fred replied, "My father doesn't like her."

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An elementary school teacher sends this note to all parents on the first day of school.

"If you promise not to believe everything your child says happens at school, I will promise not to believe everything your child says happens at home.

Submitted by: Willaim Greaves

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A: Doctor, will I be able to play the piano after the operation?
B: Yes, of course.
A: Great! I never could before!
Submitted by: Fred

ادامه مطلب

Three tomatoes are walking down the street, a poppa tomato, a momma tomato, and a little baby tomato. The baby tomato is lagging behind the poppa and momma tomato. The poppa tomato gets mad, goes over to the momma tomato and stamps on him --
(STAMPS on the ground)
-- and says: catch up.

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There once was a very large lady in our town. She wore a dress size 16. I knew her when she was young, but she had a much smaller size.
Why do you think she is now wearing a size 16?
I guess she just 8 + 8 (ate and ate).
Submitted by David Trimingham

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A man wanting to borrow another man's newspaper asks, "Are you finishe(d)?"
The other man replies, "No, I'm Norwegian."
Submitted by Aleksander Eriksen

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I was arrested at the airport. Just because I was greeting my cousin Jack!
All that I said was "Hi Jack", but very loud.
Submitted by Carcelli's family

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A woman was driving in her car on a narrow road. She was knitting at the same time, so she was driving very slowly.

A man came up from behind and he wanted to pass her. He opened the window and yelled, "Pull over! Pull over!"

The lady yelled back, "No, it's a sweater!"
Submitted by: Britt Bolving Hansen

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ادامه مطلب

THE MEANING OF

 ENGLISH NAMES

What do English Boys' Names Mean?

Here is fairly comprehensive list of first (Christian) names used in the English-speaking world (Great Britain, the United States, Ireland; Australia etc.). It also includes an indication of the traditional meaning of these names. It should of some use to anyone thinking about choosing a name for a baby or interested in finding out what their own name means.

 

 

Please Forgive Me,

 I Should Have Known Better
by Sally Jennings

Apologizing with Class

"Please forgive me because when I," not quite right yet, thought the mother, "Please forgive me because I forgot to pick up your child's papers after school yesterday. I was in such a hurry, it slipped my mind. I promise not to forget again."
"We regret we had to make change to," oops, that's wrong, thought the clerk, "we regret we had to change your travel arrangements on such short notice. We did not know you had already made further plans."

"

ادامه مطلب

A student's request for extra money

A student called up his Mom one evening from his college and asked her for some money, because he was broke.

His Mother said, "Sure, sweetie. I will send you some money. You also left your economics book here when you visited two weeks ago. Do you want me to send that up too?"

"Uhh, oh yeah, O.K." responded the kid.

So his Mom wrapped the book along with the checks up in a package, kissed Dad goodbye, and went to the post office to mail the money and the book. When she gets back, Dad asked, "Well how much did you give the boy this time?"

"Oh, I wrote two checks, one for $20, and the other for $1,000 out to him."

"That's $1020!!!" yelled Dad, "Are you going crazy???"

"Don't worry hon," Mom said, kissed Dad on the on top of his bald head, "I taped the $20 check to the cover of his book, but I put the $1,000 one somewhere between the pages in chapter 15!"

آیا تا به حال فکر کردید چرا در عصر حاضر باید زبان انگلیسی را اموخت.مطلب حاضر را تا پایان مطالعه نمایید

گفتگو با ديگران

انگليسي را مي‌توان «زبان گفتگو» ناميد. چرا؟ چون به نظر مي‌رسد همه مردم جهان پذيرفته‌اند که براي گفتگو و ارتباط با يکديگر از زبان انگليسي استفاده کنند.

• حدود يک و نيم ميليارد (1.500.000.000) نفر در جهان مي‌توانند به انگليسي صحبت کنند. يک ميليارد نفر ديگر هم مشغول فراگيري آن هستند.
• تقريباً همه کنفرانسها و مسابقات بين‌المللي به زبان انگليسي برگزار مي‌شود. به عنوان مثال رقابتهاي المپيک يا جام جهاني فوتبال را در نظر بگيريد.
• سياستمداران کشورهاي مختلف از زبان انگليسي براي برقراري ارتباط با يکديگر استفاده مي‌کنند. انگليسي، زبان اصلي سازمانهايي از قبيل سازمان ملل متحد (UN)، ناتو (NATO) و... مي‌باشد.

 

اگر شما بتوانيد به انگليسي صحبت کنيد، قادر خواهيد بود:

• با مردمان سراسر جهان ارتباط برقرار کنيد. مثلاً مي‌توانيد عقايد و نظراتتان را در گروه‌هاي تبادل نظر اينترنتي بيان کنيد. به افراد مورد علاقه‌تان ايميل ارسال کنيد و درباره زندگي و فرهنگشان اطلاعات کسب کنيد.
• راحت‌تر سفر کنيد. به هر کجا که سفر مي‌کنيد مي‌توانيد با ديگران ارتباط برقرار کنيد – انگليسي در بيش از 100 کشور جهان مورد استفاده قرار مي‌گيرد. مي‌توانيد آدرس بپرسيد، با افراد مکالمه کنيد، يا... کمک بخواهيد. کسي چه مي‌داند، شايد روزي زبان انگليسي جان شما را نجات دهد!

 

پيشرفتهاي شغلي

اگر خواهان شغل خوبي در زمينه‌هاي تجاري يا علمي هستيد، از پشت ميز کارتان بلند شويد و همين حالا به فراگيري انگليسي مشغول شويد!

دانستن انگليسي به شما اجازه مي‌دهد که:

• عبارت «مسلط به زبان انگليسي» را در رزومه (=خلاصه شرح حال و سوابق) خود درج کنيد. بدين ترتيب شانس خود را براي بدست آوردن شغل بهتر و کسب درآمد بيشتر، افزايش مي‌دهيد.
• دانش فني خود را افزايش دهيد. انگليسي زبان فن‌آوري است، مخصوصاً فن‌‌آوريهاي تراز بالايي مانند علوم کامپيوتر، ژنتيک و پزشکي. اگر مي‌خواهيد درباره اين علوم مطالعه کنيد، احتمالاً مجبور خواهيد شد از منابع انگليسي استفاده کنيد.
• يک تاجر بين‌المللي باشيد. اين بسيار واضح است. تجارت بين‌المللي تنها با زبان انگليسي ميسر مي‌شود. يادتان باشد که در دهکده جهاني به سر مي‌بريد. بنابراين اگر مي‌خواهيد نقشي ايفا کنيد، بايد انگليسي بلد باشيد – تا بتوانيد با تجار ديگر ارتباط داشته باشيد، در کنفرانس‌ها و همايش‌ها شرکت کنيد، روزنامه‌ها و مجلات تجاري بخوانيد و....
• دانشجوي و محقق بهتري باشيد. مي‌توانيد با دانشمندان کشورهاي ديگر مکاتبه کنيد. در همايشهاي بين‌المللي شرکت کنيد و با مطالعه مجلات و کتب، از يافته‌هاي جديد علمي با خبر شويد.

 

ياد گرفتن انگليسي آسان است

انگليسي نه فقط مفيدترين زبان دنياست، بلکه يکي از آسان‌ترين زبانها براي يادگيري و استفاده محسوب مي‌شود:

• الفباي ساده – هيچ نماد يا نشانه خاصي از قبيل ä يا é وجود ندارد.
• حالت جمع آسان – فقط کافي است يک s (يا es) به انتهاي يک اسم اضافه شود. (one car, two cars)
• کوتاهي کلمات – اغلب کلمات اصلي کوتاه هستند: run, work, big, go, man و.... کلمات طولاني‌تر هم غالباً کوتاه مي‌شوند: fridge=refrigerator, os=operating system.
• انگليسي همه جا يافت مي‌شود: دسترسي به تلويزيون، موسيقي، وب‌سايتها و مجلات انگليسي زبان بسيار راحت است. شما مجبور نخواهيد بود فقط از چند کتاب خسته‌کننده آموزشي استفاده کنيد. مي‌توانيد همزمان هم انگليسي بياموزيد و هم از آن استفاده کنيد. بديهي است که بدين ترتيب اشتياق شما براي يادگيري افزايش مي‌يابد.

 

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