ضرب المثل انگلیسی

ن را یک اشارت بس بود.

. A word is enough to the wise  

همه کاره و هیچ کاره.

A Jack of all trades is master of none.

عقل سالم در بدن سالم.

A sound mind in the sound body.

لنگه کفش در بیابان نعمت است.

Any port in a storm.

ترک عادت موجب مرض است.

Bad habits never die.

دیر رسیدن بهتر از هرگز نرسیدن است.

Better late than never.

حساب حساب کاکا برادر.

Business is business.

اول خویش بعد درویش.

Charity begins at home.

به عمل کار برآید نه به حرف.

Deeds not words.

اسب پیشکش را دندانشو نمی شمارند.

Don't look a gift horse in the mouth.

باد آورده را باد می برد.

Easy come easy go.

با هر که راست آید از چپ و راست آید.

It never rains but it pours.

گذشته ها گذشته.

Let bygones be bygones.

مگن انگشت در سوراخ کژدم.

Let the sleeping dogs lie.

کبوتر با کبوتر باز با باز     کند همجنس با همجنس پرواز.

Like likes like.

بی گدار به آب نزن.

Look before you leap.

گوش عزیز است گوشواره هم عزیز است.

Love me love my dog.

آنچه دلم خواست نه آن شد      آنچه خدا خواست همان شد.

Man proposes God disposes.

قطره قطره جمع شود وانگهی دریا شود.

Many a little makes a mickle.

ز نیرو بود مرد را راستی.

Might is right.

پول پول می آورد .

Money begets money.

زر کار کند و مرد لاف زند.

Money talks.

کار امروز را به فردا نیانداز.

Never put off till tomorrow what you can do today.

بی خبری خوش خبری است .

No news is good news.

نا برده رنج گنج میسر نمی شود.

No pains, no gains.

عا قبت جوینده یابنده است.

Nothing seek .nothing find.

با یک گل بهار نمی شود.

One swallow does not make a summer.

از دل برود هر آنکه از دیده برفت.

Out of sight, out of mind.

اگر خواهی بشوی خوش نویس بنویس و  بنویس و  بنویس .

Practice makes perfect.

سکوت علامت رضاست.

Silence gives consent.

سخن اگر زر است و سکوت گوهر است .

Speech is silver, silence is gold.

کاچی بهتر از هیچی.

Sth is better than nothing.

فلفل نبین چه ریزه بشکن ببین چه تیزه.

Still waters run deep.

تا تنور داغ بچسبان.

Strike when the iron is hot.

ماه همیشه زیر ابر نمی ماند.

The truth will out.

کاسه ای زیر نیم کاسه است.

There is sth in the wind.

وقت طلا است.

Time is money.

بشر جایز الخطاست.

To err is human.

یک دست صدا ندارد.

Two heads are better than one.

دیوار موش داره موشم گوش داره.

Walls have ears.

قناعت توانگر کند مرد را.

Waste not, Want not.

آب رفته ز جوی باز نمی گردد.

What is done can not be undone.

خواهی نشوی رسوا همرنگ جماعت شو.

When in Rome do as the romances do.

تا نباشد چیزکی مردم نگویند چیزها.

Where there is a smoke there is a fire.

خواستن توانستن است.

Where there is a will there is a way.

نمونه سوالات امتحانی دوم دبیرستان

 

 

 

سؤال

 

 

                

                                                 

IN HIS NAME

دوم دبيرستان

  1

 

ديكته ناقص كلمات زير را كامل كنيد.

1-                  The hicc – ps aren’t an ill ne – s.but they’re as unwelc – me  as a bad

cold.

They’re a big b – ther.they’re just something that ha – pens. One of

the m – sc les that help you brea t – e starts jerking for no good

 re- s – n

2-                  this med – cine  is good for this kind of dise – se.

3-                  we were s – cce – ful in sc – ring the cruel man.

4-                  She opend her mo – th for a few sec – nds.

 

ادامه نوشته

نمونه سوالات امتحانی اول دبیرستان

 

 

 

سؤال

 

 

                

اول دبيرستان

  1

 

ديكته ناقص كلمات زير را كامل كنيد.

 

1-                  His serv – nt tho – g – t Newton needed food.

2-                  He was sti – l asleep when the accident ha – pen - d .

3-                  There are many co – ntr – es all over the w – rld.

4-                  Autumn is the th – rd se-s – n of the year.

5-                  Their vi – l – ge is near the j – n – le.

 

  2 

 

   واژگان : با كلمات ارائه شده جملات زير را كامل كنيد.

 

((alone – map – deep – clever – laugh – vegetable-early))

 

6- Parviz is a …………student. He learns his lessons easily.

7-My parents usually wake up …………….. in the morning.

8-This is the……….. of world. We can see Iran in it.

9-Friedrich played ……… He didn’t have any friends.

10-Monkeys do funny things that make us……………

11-Ali’s father is a farmer . he grows …………. and plants

  3

از گزينه هاي پيشنهادي پاسخ درست را انتخاب كنيد.

 

12-The baby …………four kilos.

A: sleeps                      B: drinks                     C: weighs                    D: laughs

 

13-We crossed the river  by…………

A: wagon                     B: train                         C: taxi                         D: boat

 

14-A clock has two or three………………

A: teeth                  B: feet                               C: hands                      D: faces

 

15-A comb has a lot of………………..

A:teeth                  B: feet                                C: hands                      D: faces

 

16-I couldn’t talk to my father because he was very…………..

A: ready                B:heavy                            C: happy                        D: angry

17-A …………works in a field.

 

A: farmer                B: baker                        C: butchers                     D: soldier

ادامه نوشته

50 داستان کوتاه انگلیسی

Short Stories for

Low Intermediate

 ESL Learners

New to America

 

A Haircut

 

The Yardman

 

 

Grab Your Umbrellas

 

Shopping for Bargains

 

Horses to Ride

 

Does Garlic Mean Garlic?

 

A Shower Injury

 

Pete's Sharp Knife

 

Provider Overbills Customer

 

A Good Sandwich

 

Sara’s Upset Stomach

 

Please Marry Me!

 

Laundry Day

 

A Noisy Neighbor

 

The New Realtor

 

The Fire Alarm

 

Eddie's Short Visit

 

Carbon Monoxide

 

A Visit to Asia

 

School Boys

 

The Loose Button

 

The Pile of Paper

 

Brushing and Flossing

 

Raising the Kids

 

A Clean Toilet Bowl

 

A Love Letter

 

Spock Saves His Dad

 

A Bird Attacks

 

A Daytime Robbery

 

The Motorcycle Rider

 

The Breakup

 

Famous Model Dies

 

Shopping Carts Everywhere

 

Four Slit Throats

 

Trick or Treat

 

A Jealous Girlfriend

 

Towns Hit by Snowstorms

 

Another Jealous Girlfriend

 

She Loves Her Son

 

The Doctor’s Exam

 

Hospitals Can Make You Sick

 

English Is So Hard

 

Hollywood Stars and Tourists

 

GEICO’s TV Lizard

 

Law and Order in LA?

 

Destruction of Iraq

 

Have You Seen This Man?

 

LA Traffic Report

 

LA Radio News

مجموعه جوک

The Perfect Son.
A: I have the perfect son.
B: Does he smoke?
A: No, he doesn't.
B: Does he drink whiskey?
A: No, he doesn't.
B: Does he ever come home late?
A: No, he doesn't.
B: I guess you really do have the perfect son. How old is he?
A: He will be six months old next Wednesday.


Girl: You would be a good dancer except for two things.
Boy: What are the two things?
Girl: Your feet.
Submitted by Bob Waldman


A family of mice were surprised by a big cat. Father Mouse jumped and and said, "Bow-wow!" The cat ran away. "What was that, Father?" asked Baby Mouse. "Well, son, that's why it's important to learn a second language."
Submitted by BH LEE


My friend said he knew a man with a wooden leg named Smith.
So I asked him "What was the name of his other leg?"

(Try this one with your students the next time you are teaching a lesson that includes this type of grammer.)


The doctor to the patient: 'You are very sick'
The patient to the doctor: 'Can I get a second opinion?'
The doctor again: 'Yes, you are very ugly too...'

I use this joke for retelling in reported speech.
Submitted by: Adriana Luchetti


A man goes to the doctor and says, "Doctor, wherever I touch, it hurts."
The doctor asks, "What do you mean?"
The man says, "When I touch my shoulder, it really hurts. If I touch my knee - OUCH! When I touch my forehead, it really, really hurts."
The doctor says, "I know what's wrong with you - you've broken your finger!"
Submitted by Sean McLoughlin


Patient: Doctor, I have a pain in my eye whenever I drink tea.
Doctor: Take the spoon out of the mug before you drink.
Submitted by: Irene Pellegrini


Patient: Doctor! You've got to help me! Nobody ever listens to me. No one ever pays any attention to what I have to say.

Doctor: Next please!
Submitted by Marco Morales, Mexico


Two boys were arguing when the teacher entered the room.

The teacher says, "Why are you arguing?"

One boy answers, "We found a ten dollor bill and decided to give it to whoever tells the biggest lie."

"You should be ashamed of yourselves," said the teacher, "When I was your age I didn't even know what a lie was."

The boys gave the ten dollars to the teacher.


A snail walks into a bar and the barman tells him there's a strict policy about having snails in the bar and so kicks him out. A year later the same snail re-enters the bar and asks the barman "What did you do that for?"
Submitted by Steve


A: Just look at that young person with the short hair and blue jeans. Is it a boy or a girl?
B: It's a girl. She's my daughter.
A: Oh, I'm sorry, sir. I didn't know that you were her father.
B: I'm not. I'm her mother.


Mother: "Did you enjoy your first day at school?"
Girl: "First day? Do you mean I have to go back tomorrow?
Submitted by Miguel de Paco Moltó


Headmaster: I've had complaints about you, Johnny, from all your teachers. What have you been doing?
Johnny: Nothing, sir.
Headmaster: Exactly.
Submitted by Maria del Pilar Villlegas Martinez


Teacher: "Nick, what is the past participle of the verb to ring?"
Nick: "What do you think it is, Sir?"
Teacher: "I don't think, I KNOW!"
Nick: "I don't think I know either, Sir!"
Submitted by Bernadette Kelly


A: Hey, man! Please call me a taxi.
B: Yes, sir. You are a taxi.
Submitted by Cláudia Almeida


A: Why are you crying?
B: The elephant is dead.
A: Was he your pet?
B: No, but I'm the one who must dig his grave.
Submitted by Joe, from Indiana


A teenage girl had been talking on the phone for about half an hour, and then she hung up.

"Wow!," said her father, "That was short. You usually talk for two hours. What happened?"

"Wrong number," replied the girl.


PUPIL: "Would you punish me for something I didn`t do?"
TEACHER:" Of course not."
PUPIL: "Good, because I haven`t done my homework."
Submitted by Miguel de Paco Moltó


A teacher asked a student to write 55.
Student asked: How?
Teacher: Write 5 and beside it another 5!
The student wrote 5 and stopped.
teacher: What are you waiting for?
student: I don't know which side to write the other 5!
Submitted by Mahmoud Zeidan


When I want to teach the coulors, I just ask my students to pretend the phone is ringing and they will answer:

Phone rings: "Green, green!"
They answer: "Yellow?"
They ask: "White?"
They hang up: "Pink!"

While teaching this use your hands pretending you are holding the phone.
Submitted by Maria Crisitna Codorniz


Little Johnny: Teacher, can I go to the bathroom?
Teacher: Little Johnny, MAY I go to the bathroom?
Little Johnny: But I asked first!
Submitted by: Elise Owen, Dalian China


Two goldfish in a bowl talking:
Goldfish 1: Do you believe in God?
Goldfish 2: Of course, I do! Who do you think changes the water?


Son: Dad, what is an idiot?
Dad: An idiot is a person who tries to explain his ideas in such a strange and long way that another person who is listening to him can't understand him. Do you understand me?
Son: No.


Man: I could go to the end of the world for you.
Woman: Yes, but would you stay there?

ادامه نوشته

داستان کوتاه

A good sandwich

 Gordon was hungry. He opened the refrigerator. There must be something in here to eat,he thought. There was—a single hot dog.

He took it out of its package and put a small frying pan onto the stove’s gas burner. He turned on the heat. Then he poured a little bit of vegetable oil into the pan. He sliced the hot dog in half lengthwise. When the oil got hot, he put the two halves in the pan. About a minute later, he flipped each half over. After another minute, he took the hot dog out of the pan.

 Gordon put two slices of bread into the toaster. This was tasty and healthy bread. The first ingredient listed was organic sprouted wheat. The first ingredient in ordinary bread is usually unbleached flour.

When the toast popped up, he put mustard, mayonnaise, and ketchup on one slice. Then he added two slices of onion. On top of the onions, he placed the hot dog. On top of the hot dog, he put a couple of slices of apple. Then he added some bits of hot green chile, and then put the top piece of toast onto the chile bits.

Ahh, what a sandwich, he thought, as he sat down to eat.

داستان طنز

Brown Pants

Long ago, when sailing ships ruled the sea, this captain and his crew were always in danger of being boarded by pirates from a pirate ship.

One day while they were sailing, they saw that a pirate ship had sent a boarding party to try and board their ship. The crew  became worried, but the Captain was calm.

He bellowed to his First Mate, "Bring me my red shirt!"

The First Mate quickly got the Captain's red shirt, which the captain put on. Then he led his crew into battle against the mean pirates. Although there were some casualties among the crew, the pirates were defeated.

Later that day, the lookout screamed that there were two pirate vessels sending two boarding parties towards their ship. The crew was nervous, but the Captain,  calm as ever, bellowed, "Bring me my red shirt!" And once again the battle was on! 

The Captain and his crew fought off the boarding parties, though this time more casualties occurred.

Weary from the battles, the men sat around on deck that night recounting the day's events when an  ensign looked at the Captain and asked, "Sir, why did you call for your red shirt before the battle?"

The Captain, giving the ensign a look that only a captain can give, explained, "If I am wounded in battle, the red shirt does not show the blood, so you men will continue to fight unafraid." The men sat in silence. They were amazed at the courage of such a man.

As dawn came the next morning, the lookout screamed that there were pirate ships, 10 of them, all with boarding parties on their way. The men became silent and looked to the Captain, their leader, for his usual command.

The Captain, calm as ever, bellowed, 'Bring me my brown pants!!!'

جوک

Nice Jokes for Nice People

 

1)       “Aunt Mary has a new baby,” a mother told her small daughter. “What was
wrong with the old one?” answered the little girl.

2)      Dad- “Son, I’m spanking you because I love you.” Son-“I’d sure like to be big enough to return your love.”

3)       “Why are you crying, little girl?”  “Cause my brother has holidays and I don’t.”  “Well, why don’t you have holidays?”   “Because I don’t go to school yet.”

4)       “Mommy, do you love me?” “Of course” “Then why not divorce daddy and marry candy man?”

5)      A boy was about to purchase a seat for a movie. The box-office man asked,” Why aren’t you at school?” “Oh, it’s all right sir,” said the youngster earnestly.” I’ve got measles.”

ادامه نوشته

لطیفه انگلیسی

Penguin

A man was walking along Hietzinger Hauptstrasse near Parkhotel
Schönbrunn when he found a penguin walking along the road.
So he picked it up and took it to the local police station.

He said to the policeman "I found this penguin on Hietzinger
Hauptstrasse, near Parkhotel Schönbrunn. What should I do with it?"

The policeman looked at the man and said "It's obvious what you should
do with it! Take the penguin to Schönbrunn Zoo.

The man said "Of course, I'll take it to the zoo" and he left the police
station with the penguin under his arm.

The next day the policeman was on duty in the city centre when he saw
the man walking along the street with the penguin by his side. The policeman stopped the man and said "I thought I told you to take the penguin to the zoo?"

The man replied "Yes, I took it to the zoo yesterday. Today I'm taking it to see the Opera House."


شنبه 8 بهمن ماه سال 1384
joke

McDonald, who was very sad,met his friend Sandy in the street.He said to his friend,"I cannot make up my mind whether to marry a wealthy widow whom i don't love or a poor girl whom i love very much.
Sandy said,"My dear friend, I advise you to listen to your heart and marry the poor girl that you love."
"You are right. I will marry the poor girl."
"In that case,can you give me the widow's address
?

داستان عشق

Love Story

At a cocktail party, the hostess overheard the conversation of a handsome gentleman and his friend.

"Oh, I really love her. I adore her," said the handsome gentleman.

"I would love her too, if she were mine," agreed his friend.

"I love the way she walks, and the way she moves, and her eyes are a beautiful brown color."

"You're very lucky," said his friend.

"And do you know what I like the best?" asked the gentleman. "I love the way she kisses my ear."

"Sir," the hostess said, "I couldn't help listening to your lovely words. In this day of divorce, I respect a man who loves his wife so much!"

"My wife?!" said the gentleman, very surprised. "I was talking about my champion race horse!

تست گرامری ساده

  1. How often do you play tennis?
    a. On Tuesday.
    b. For two hours.
    c. Almost every day.
    d. With John.

  2. Where do you usually eat lunch?
    a. Sandwich.
    b. With Jane.
    c. At 12:00.
    d. In the cafeteria.

  3. How long did you study last night?
    a. With Bob.
    b. In my room.
    c. English.
    d. For three hours.

  4. What kind of novels do you like?
    a. Yes, I do.
    b. I like spy novels.

  5. What kind of work do you do?
    a. I work every day.
    b. I'm a piano teacher.
    c. I worked for two hours.

  6. How many hours a day do you watch TV?
    a. About two hours.
    b. In my living room.
    c. I watch the news.
    d. On Tuesday.

  7. What is your busiest day of the week?
    a. In the morning.
    b. Every day.
    c. Tuesday.
    d. Last week.

  8. My mother is a good cook.
    a. I agree with you.
    b. I agree you.
    c. I agree to you.
    d. I agree for you.

  9. What does "TV" mean?
    a. For one hour.
    b. Yes
    c. Television.
    d. For one hour.
    e. On Friday.

  10. How do you spell "dog"?
    a. No
    b. D-O-G
    c. No
    d. I don't
    e. Cat.
    f. I have one dog.

  11. What did you do yesterday?
    a. I am swimming.
    b. I swim.
    c. I will swim.
    d. I swam.

  12. What do you like to drink?
    a. Coffee.
    b. Saturday evening.
    c. Two.
    d. With my friends.

  13. What did you eat last night?
    a. At six.
    b. Spaghetti.
    c. With my family.
    d. At home.

  14. What are you doing?
    a. I'm eating.
    b. I ate.
    c. I will be eating.
    d. I have eaten.

  15. What will you do this afternoon?
    a. I play soccer.
    b. I played soccer.
    c. I'll play soccer.
    d. I was playing soccer.

  16. It seems to me that most restaurants are too expensive?
    a. I don't think it.
    b. I don't think.
    c. I don't think so.

  17. Where's Mike?
    a. At school.
    b. At eight.
    c. For three hours.
    d. No, he isn't.

  18. Where do you do your homework?
    a. With John.
    b. In the evening.
    c. About one hour.
    d. Every day.
    e. At home.

  19. When did you go to that restaurant?
    a. Speghetti.
    b. With Jane.
    c. Last night.
    d. About 30 minutes.

  20. When was the last time you took a picture?
    a. A picture of Jane.
    b. Seven pictures.
    c. About four days ago.
    d. With my camera.

  21. What were you doing last night at 7:00?
    a. I sleep.
    b. I slept.
    c. I will be sleeping.
    d. I was sleeping.

  22. When will you mail that letter?
    a. Last night.
    b. To Jane.
    c. After school.

  23. What are you going to do after dinner?
    a. I took a bath
    b. I'll take a bath.
    c. I take a bath.

  24. How long have you been playing the trumpet?
    a. About 50 cm.
    b. For four years.
    c. In my room.
    d. By myself.

  25. How many hours a day do you sleep?
    a. I have slept 7 hours.
    b. I am sleeping 7 hours.
    c. I slept 7 hours.
    d. I sleep 7 hours.

  26. How often do you write letters?
    a. Two pages.
    b. Two times a week.
    c. Two people.
    d. Two hours.

  27. Where can I buy beer?
    a. When you are twenty years old.
    b. About two bottles.
    c. With Jane.
    d. At a liquor store.

  28. What's your favorite sport?
    a. Swim.
    b. Swimming.

  29. When was the last time you went shopping?
    a. Yesterday.
    b. Tomorrow.
    c. Near the Station.

  30. How often do you speak on the telephone?
    a. At least once a day.
    b. In the evening?
    c. For about 30 minutes.

  31. How many times have you gone camping?
    a. Three people.
    b. Three days.
    c. Three times.

  32. When's your birthday?
    a. November two.
    b. November twice.
    c. November second.

  33. Where are you from?
    a. New York.
    b. 1982.
    c. At school.

  34. How do you get to school?
    a. With train.
    b. In train.
    c. By train.

چیستانهای مربوط به حروف الفبای انگلیسی

Q: What letter of the alphabet is an insect?
A: B. (bee)

Q: What letter is a part of the head?
A: I. (eye)

Q: What letter is a drink?
A: T. (tea)

Q: What letter is a body of water?
A: C. (sea)

Q: What letter is a pronoun like "you"?
A: The letter " I "

Q: What letter is a vegetable?
A: P. (pea)

Q: What letter is an exclamation?
A: O. (oh!)

Q: What letter is a European bird?
A: J. (Jay)

Q: What letter is looking for causes ?
A: Y. (why)

Q: What four letters frighten a thief?
A: O.I.C.U. (Oh I see you!)

Q: What comes once in a minute, twice in a moment but not once in a thousand years?
A: The letter "m".

Q: Why is the letter "T" like an island ?
A: Because it is in the middle of waTer.

Q: In what way can the letter "A" help a deaf lady?
A: It can make "her" "hear.

Q: Which is the loudest vowel?
A: The letter "I". It is always in the midst of noise

Q: What way are the letter "A" and "noon" alike?
A: Both of them are in the middle of the "day".

Q: Why is "U" the happiest letter?
A: Because it is in the middle of "fun".

Q: What word of only three syllables contains 26 letters?
A: Alphabet = (26 letters)

Q: What relatives are dependent on "you"?
A: Aunt, uncle, cousin. They all need "U".

Q: What is the end of everything?
A: The letter "g".

Connecting Reading and

 Writing in College EFL Courses

Jui-min Tsai
tsai.139 [-at-] osu.edu
Ohio State University (Ohio, USA)
Traditionally, teachers of English as a second or foreign language have tended to teach reading and writing separately from each other. However, some specialists have argued that reading and writing are closely connected and should be taught together. In this article, theories and research on reading/writing connection are briefly discussed, followed by a variety of recommended pedagogical applications and teaching activities for college EFL writing courses.

Introduction

ادامه نوشته

باز هم ضرب المثل

Easy come, easy go باد آورده را باد میبرد

 

بیخبری خوش خبری ست No news is good news

 

Third time lucky تا سه نشه بازی نشه

 

Be the thin end of the wedge تخم مرغ دزد شتر دزد میشود

 

Tit for tat اون در این به

 

Every cloud has a silver lining است در نا امیدی بسی امید

 

A liar ought to have a good memory دروغگو کم حافظه است

 

Outstay one's welcome انداختن کنگر خوردن و لنگر

 

Curiosity killed the cat فضول را بردند جهنم

 

The biter bit دست بالای دست بسیار است

 

Nothing ventured, nothing gained نابرده رنج گنج میسر نمیشود

 

Business is business   حساب حساب است کاکا برادر

 

Practice makes perfect است کار نیکو کردن از پر کردن

 

The cat dreams of mice شتر در خواب بیند پنبه دانه

 

(Tell) a cock and bull story قصه حسین کرد شبستری گفتن

 

Smell fishy کاسه ای زیر نیم کاسه است

 

A big head has a big ache هر که بامش بیش برفش بیشتر

 

Go with the ride هم رنگ جماعت شدن

 

East, West, home’s best هیچ کجا خانه خود آدم نمیشود

 

Tells tales کردن یک کلاغ چهل کلاغ

 

Hit the jackpot شدن یک شب پول دار

 

Keep up with the joneses چشم و هم چشمی کردن

 

Knock sth down چوب حراج به چیزی زدن

 

The miles of God grind slowly (but they grind exceeding small) چوب خدا صدا ندارد

 

Put a spoke in sb’s wheel چوب لای چرخ کسی گذاشتن

 

Cry wolf چوپان دروغگو

 

What’s cooking?  است چه کاسه ای زیر نیم کاسه

 

Account for حساب پس دادن

چیستان های انگلیسی

Q: What are two things people never eat before breakfast?
A: Lunch and supper.


Q: Why did the man throw a bucket of water out the window?
A: He wanted to see the waterfall.

Q: Why did the man throw the butter out the window?
A: He wanted to see the butterfly.

Q: Why did the man put the clock in the safe?
A: He wanted to save time.


Q: What has two hands and a face, but no arms and legs?
A: A clock.

Q: What has a neck, but no head?
A: A bottle.

Q: Where is the ocean the deepest?
A: On the bottom.


Q: Why did the man throw his watch out of the window?
A: He wanted to see time fly.
Submitted by Chris from Australia


Q: What State in the United States is High in the middle and round at the ends?
A: Ohio.
Submitted by Jesus Macario


Q: "There were some twins. One was twenty, the other was twenty 2. One married the other. How can be this ?"
A: "One was twenty, the other twenty too. One was a priest so he married the other"
PS: These sentences must be asked orally .Pronunciation is important. (too = 2)
Submitted by Zekih.


Q: How do you spell mousetrap?
A: C-A-T.
Submitted by Mumblia

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جوكهاي انگليسي با متن طولاني

(This is guaranteed laughs in the Chinese classroom. It was originally a bit in a Pink Panther movie).

A man walks into a shop and sees a cute little dog. He asks the shopkeeper, "Does your dog bite?"
The shopkeeper says, "No, my dog does not bite."
The man tries to pet the dog and the dog bites him.
"Ouch!" He says, "I thought you said your dog does not bite!"
The shopkeeper replies, "That is not my dog!"
Submitted by Rick Bell


There were three restauraunts on the same block. One day one of them put up a sign which said "The Best Restaurant in the City."

The next day, the largest restaurant on the block put up a larger sign which said "The Best Restaurant in the World."

On the third day, the smallest restaurant put up a small sign which said "The Best Restaurant on this Block."
Submitted by Jim J. Johnson


A lorry driver is driving 200 penguins to London Zoo when his lorry breaks down on the motorway. The driver gets out of the cab and is looking at the engine when a second lorry driver stops in front of him and asks if he needs help. The penguins' driver explains that he is taking the penguins to the zoo and asks if the other man would
take the penguins there. He agrees.
Some hours later, the 2nd lorry driver drives past the first one, who is still waiting on the motorway. The penguins are still on the lorry, and look happy.
"I thought I asked you to take those penguins to the zoo," shouted the first driver.
The second replied, "I did, but I had some money left, so we're going to the cinema now."
(Present continuous / just for fun)
Submitted by Jeremy Hookway

ادامه نوشته